Reconsidered and decided to stay. . .

I was actually missing posting (can you believe that?). Well my fibro has eased a little so the new med might be kicking in. I have started to quit smoking. My husband and I are down to half a pack a day (which doesn't sound like a lot to nonsmokers but when you smoke a pack and a half a day, that is quite a decrease). This sunday we are going to start 5 cigarettes a day for a week and then the next sunday 3 cigarettes a day for a week, then the next week cold turkey. We've really been doing good except I'm keeping a headache and when I do smoke, it burns my mouth. I notice myself reaching for a cigarette out of habit and have to stop myself from smoking it telling myself that is not a craving just a habit (getting in the car, after eating, answering the phone, before going to bed, when I first get up, etc.). I will be so proud of us if we quit. We will not only save our health but also $320 a month (the money was our incentive -- how sad is that). One can do a lot with $320 a month like save it or make a double payment on a bill. Plus we might live longer to enjoy it too.

Not much else going on here . . . just nicotine withdrawal!

Been doing a lot of thinking (bad idea)

Hi, I've been down for a couple of days with my fibro. I went to the regular doc, my supplier as I like to call her, and she started me on a new medication to take in addition to my fentanyl patches and my hydrocodone. I cannot remember it's name right off but I've only been taking it for two days.
I really enjoy reading you guys' blogs and posting a comment from time-to-time but really feel my blog is nothing but whining and nothing very interesting or witty to say so I don't think I'll be blogging anymore. I appreciate how you all welcomed me so easily into your small group and made me feel like I've known you for years.
So thanks for everything and I will be reading your blogs and keeping in touch but won't be blogging myself anymore.

oxoxbelinda aka the addict

Great news brings on sad memories

I have wonderful news. Aspen doesn't have cancer. It was just a fatty tumor that was benign. I am sooooo relieved. I love that dog like a child and even though he is getting up in years I cannot imagine being without him. With the good news I have been missing my daddy quite a bit here lately and then precious was talking about she couldn't imagine losing her mother. It's a horrible thing to go through and I'll never forget it.

I lost both of my parents within months of each other. My father to death and my mother to Alzheimer's dementia. I still see my mother about every other week and she will recognize me sometimes but sometimes not. I'm her guardian conservator so I have to take care of all of her bills, lawyers, Insurances, etc. I miss her too but at least I can go see her face. My dad is in a mausoleum. He told me many times he did not want to be buried in the ground so we made sure he wasn't. His being in a mausoleum means his body is only a foot away from me. I know he is gone but still he is closer. I know it sounds weird so I hope I'm not weirding anyone out.

Anyway I made a tribute video for my daddy a while back and I'd like to share it with you guys. It breaks my heart every time I watch it. I miss him so much.



oxox
belinda

New News and it isn't very good

Well, those of you that read my last post regarding what my daughter-in-law has done to me and my family will understand this post.  First I do want to say that my son is going to give us all of his tax return as a payment toward what is owed and when he gets a job (I hope soon), he is going to pay us $100 weekly until the debt is paid.  He said he could not let her get away with doing us wrong so he is going to pay us back for trying to help them.  

But that is not what this post is about.  This post is about the most outrageous thing I think I have heard in a long time.  I found out from my son that my daughter-in-law is not losing the house because several "CHURCH'S" are helping her out.  I can hear what she is telling them.  She is probably saying my son deserted her and the grandson when in all actuality he went back three times and she demanded he leave or she was calling the cops.  Plus she said the house was in her name only (a little tidbit we found out her daddy had set up for her with our money for the down payment and had we known that, we would not have given them a dime), and if he didn't leave she was going to get him evicted.  Now she claims he deserted her and he didn't have to leave so she's playing her little head games now for the child support that will be soon enough coming for her to whore around on.  

So now she is going to church and her church is helping her (use to be her and my son's old church where my son use to sing) and her dad's church is helping her out financially.  I could scream.  They don't have a clue this girl has committed adultery twice and got pregnant once by one of the guys she committed adultery with.  She lost that baby and me like an idiot was the only one at the hospital with her while she was losing it all tore up because she was losing another grandchild and then come to find out it wasn't even my grandchild she was loosing.  Boy do I feel like a fool now.  And her and my son were not particularly upset about losing the child and I couldn't understand why because when they lost their first child it about killed them.  My son knew at that time that it was not his baby and what she had done so he had no feelings about it whatsoever.  He later told me he had "forgiven" her months ago and they cohabitated another 4 months before she told him to get out and he knew about the new "boyfriend" and he still wanted to stay with her.  However, he had just got laid off and when that happened she wanted him OUT.  Nothing was said when she got FIRED from her job 5 months earlier that caused them to get behind on everything but my son was a terrible provider and couldn't take care of his family and blah, blah, blah.    

So when does this Karma kick in and I want a front row seat?  (goes to pop some popcorn in anticipation).  

ooxox

belinda

High Anxety

I'm a mess. My hands are shaking today and I cannot stop crying. I think everything has finally caught up with me and I'm freaking. I've been having shortness of breath for weeks but I've been putting it off as my weight, cigarettes, or anxiety. I don't know what it is now. I'm afraid I'm going to have a panic attack. My fibro wont let up. Why is all of this happening? I don't know if i want to get into it or not. It's involved and I feel everyone gets tired of long posts. I know you all are tired of hearing about money from me but it has to do with being lied to, cheated, stolen from, and then laughed in the face about it.

Before my son and his wife separated they were going to lose their house. They were four house payments behind and needed help. Well, guess who helped them. Their payments were $650 so we lended them $2600 to get caught up. In return, they promised to pay us back when they got their taxes. Well in January is when my daughter-in-law decided she no longer loved my son and wanted him out. He has been living here and before January was over he told her they still had to file taxes together because they had not been separated more than six months yet. (I took my son to an accountant to find out legally what we could do as far as my sons taxes). Well she filed to get the Earned Income Credit and got over $4000.00. She kept putting my son off abut the taxes and then we found out she filed. The accountant said she had filed illegally but really there was nothing he could do. The accountant said he should be able to still claim the child as well because he cared for him half of the year as well but will get nothing compared to what she got. I'm just so . . . angry I could bust. I want to hurt this girl. I called her grandmother, who at the time cried on the phone and begged me to help them if I could keep their home, and now she says she never did that, so she has turned into a liar as well. But now two months later come to find out she is losing the house anyway and she and my grandson have moved in with her grandmother. So stealing, cheating, lieing, committing adultery sure hasn't paid off for her. I want to laugh in her face and say, "I still have my house BITCH!" And I didn't have to steal, lie, cheat, or screw around on my husband to keep it. I have done it the honest way, I've worked for it. ARGGHHGHGHG. I could explode. My husband and I were stupid enough to give them $2500 and her dad did the same so they had a down payment to get the damn house. How stupid are we? We made them pay us back with the stimulus check $2000 but we let them keep $500 as a gift from us to help them out. I've bought my grandson's whole school wardrobe for the last year. I've paid their car payments that have gotten behind up to $700.00 that they were suppose to pay back with taxes and she has lost the car too LOL so the BITCH is walking or her boyfriend is driving her around. She gets food stamps, some kind of income from the government because my son is not working yet, and medicade. God forbid she get a job. That is why they got behind on the house and the car is because she got fired from her job.

So there it is. That's what has got me in knots. Ridiculous, huh? I'm going to take some hydrocodone and tylenol for my headache. It's already 4:30 and I haven't even taken my meds. Thanks for listening.